Joke of the Day - Page 33 - Electrician Talk - Professional Electrical Contractors Forum
CLICK HERE AND JOIN OUR COMMUNITY TODAY, IT'S FREE!
Go Back   Electrician Talk - Professional Electrical Contractors Forum > Electrician Talk Community > Off Topic (Non Trade)


Like Tree2579Likes
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-01-2019, 03:15 PM   #641
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

DC dilemma
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-corruption.jpg  

micromind, telsa and MCasey like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Join Contractor Talk

Join the #1 Electrician Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

ElectricianTalk.com - Are you a Professional Electrical Contractor? If so we invite you to join our community and see what it has to offer. Our site is specifically designed for you and it's the leading place for electricians to meet online. No homeowners asking DIY questions. Just fellow tradesmen who enjoy talking about their business, their trade, and anything else that comes up. No matter what your specialty is you'll find that ElectricianTalk.com is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally free!

Join ElectricianTalk.com - Click Here JOIN FOR FREE


Warning: The topics covered on this site include activities in which there exists the potential for serious injury or death. ElectricianTalk.com DOES NOT guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information contained on this site. Always use proper safety precaution and reference reliable outside sources before attempting any construction or remodeling task!

Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-02-2019, 01:24 PM   #642
Conservitum Americum
 
LARMGUY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 8,050
Rewards Points: 548
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MechanicalDVR View Post
DC dilemma
Sadly, that is NOT a joke.
micromind, Rob-Bryant and MCasey like this.
__________________
Cowboy words of wisdom.
There are three types of men, those that learn by readin, those that learn by watchin, and those that have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

,
LARMGUY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2019, 02:56 PM   #643
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LARMGUY View Post
Sadly, that is NOT a joke.
It's so bad that we have to take it as a joke or it could be extremely depressing!
MCasey likes this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-03-2019, 04:29 PM   #644
Conservitum Americum
 
LARMGUY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 8,050
Rewards Points: 548
Default

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman

8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.

8:22 – The transgender man…women…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 – I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:30 – I used food coloring to make one of the snow couple a different color and be more racially inclusive.

8:37 – Accused of using a black face on the snowman…snow persons.

8:39 – The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up.

8:40 – The police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 – The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 – TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied
“Snowballs” and am now called a sexist.

9:00 – I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 – I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 – Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

9:45 – The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.

10:00 – All I wanted to do was build a snowman…
__________________
Cowboy words of wisdom.
There are three types of men, those that learn by readin, those that learn by watchin, and those that have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

,
LARMGUY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2019, 01:05 PM   #645
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say "Your Honor, I'm guilty but..... There were extenuating circumstances."

The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances." I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.

"Your Honour, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then she headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise grip alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... The door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men Extraordinaire," found me... standing on my tip-toes, half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did, but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honour, is exactly how she ended up naked and her head ended up between clamps...." The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed".
MikeFL, Rob-Bryant and MCasey like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2019, 01:11 PM   #646
Senior Member
 
five.five-six's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: So Cal
Posts: 6,136
Rewards Points: 8,588
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LARMGUY View Post
8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman

8:15 – So, I made a snow woman

~snip~


9:45 – The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media.

10:00 – All I wanted to do was build a snowman…

MCasey likes this.
__________________
Liberal Paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only authorities have guns. We have such a place. It's called prison.
five.five-six is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2019, 04:12 PM   #647
Senior Member
 
just the cowboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Pa
Posts: 1,591
Rewards Points: 372
Default

A traveling salesman is going across the Swiss alps and stops at a old farm house. He asks the farmer can he spend the night and he will sing for his supper. The farmer says ok but you need to sleep in the barn. After dinner the salesman sings and yodels in a great voice and the family loves it. Later that night the farmer comes out to the barn to say good night and finds the salesman banging his sheep. Farmer walks away and says only my sheep I guess it is ok.


Next day salesman asks can he stay one more day and the farmer says yes. That night the salesman yodels like nothing the family ever heard before and goes out to the barn. Later the farmer comes out and finds him banging his prize cow. Farmer walks away shaking his head.


Next day same thing salesman eats dinner and sings and yodels some of the best love songs ever. The farmer comes out to say thank you my wife loved it, and finds the salesman banging his daughter. Farmer says that is to much first my sheep, then my cow now my daughter . He runs in and grabs his shotgun and chases the salesman across the valley but can't catch him.


Just as the salesman crests the hill he yodels back " I got your old lady toooo your old lady tooo.
MechanicalDVR, telsa and MCasey like this.
__________________
A cowboy may get thrown down, but he always gets up and walks forward and don't look back at what thru him.
just the cowboy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2019, 08:14 AM   #648
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

An airplane is in trouble and about to crash when a woman stands up an says
"I want to die feeling like a woman"

Removing her clothes she shouts out
"Is there someone man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

Wee Wullie frae Glesga pulls off his shirt and throws it to her.
" Here " he says......... " Iron this!"
micromind, readydave8, tjb and 4 others like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2019, 10:12 AM   #649
Senior Member
 
canbug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Just North of Calgary
Posts: 765
Rewards Points: 1,506
Default

I had a friend that was a stewardess, she once told me that if her plane was going down, the guy in the first row was going to get the best BJ ever.


True story.


Tim.
MikeFL, Rob-Bryant and MCasey like this.
canbug is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2019, 02:05 PM   #650
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by canbug View Post
I had a friend that was a stewardess, she once told me that if her plane was going down, the guy in the first row was going to get the best BJ ever.


True story.


Tim.
That's poetic, the plane is going down and so is she!
Rob-Bryant and MCasey like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-07-2019, 09:08 PM   #651
Electrical Contractor
 
wcord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 3,782
Rewards Points: 1,520
Default

Priceless rotf
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-cold-cranking-amps.png  

__________________
Nothing is to be gained by arguing with fools.
Nothing can be gained by reasoning with ignorant people.
wcord is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2019, 12:48 AM   #652
Senior Member
 
MikeFL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: The Sunshine State
Posts: 5,284
Rewards Points: 2,668
Default

Free Stuff!
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-free-stuff.jpg  

tjb, telsa and MCasey like this.
__________________
Michael Gookin, President
GPS Timers

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

(833) GPS-TIME
MikeFL is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2019, 07:15 AM   #653
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wcord View Post
Priceless rotf
Gee, I wonder how many volty type things are left in there?
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2019, 09:40 AM   #654
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Wally world
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-4-10.jpg  

micromind, tjb, telsa and 3 others like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2019, 09:41 AM   #655
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Knife rack
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-knife-rack.jpg  

micromind, telsa, MikeFL and 2 others like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MechanicalDVR For This Useful Post:
MikeFL (03-08-2019)
Old 03-08-2019, 09:43 AM   #656
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Neighbors
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-last-night.jpg  

__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-08-2019, 09:44 AM   #657
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Cat probs
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-pot-cats.jpg  

tjb, MikeFL and MCasey like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2019, 05:58 PM   #658
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Stoner Phill
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-stoner-phil.jpg  

MCasey likes this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2019, 06:21 PM   #659
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Drink up
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-kool-aid.jpg  

tjb, telsa, MikeFL and 2 others like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2019, 06:22 PM   #660
Old Grumpy Bastard
 
MechanicalDVR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: "Old Dominion"
Posts: 58,849
Rewards Points: 102
Default

Made it!
Attached Thumbnails
Joke of the Day-made-.jpg  

tjb, telsa, MikeFL and 2 others like this.
__________________
I'm as Christian as possible in the times we live in.

Always just a stallion in a china shop
MechanicalDVR is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Gems of the Trade MechanicalDVR General Electrical Discussion 11569 Today 04:19 PM
Electrical Joke Of The Day MechanicalDVR Off Topic (Non Trade) 580 09-07-2017 09:33 PM
Well Boys Bad Electrician Off Topic (Non Trade) 107 06-06-2016 10:05 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.1
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2019 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Our Pro Sites Network
ContractorTalk.com | DrywallTalk.com | HVACSite.com | PaintTalk.com | PlumbingZone.com | RoofingTalk.com