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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Its been a long road for us since I first got started in the trade as an apprentice many moons ago (2000) until now. We have been through alot over the years, my wife and I. I started non-union and then went union to get the education and experience I needed for today. While their education and work ethic was great, I had to have more than they offered.

Through the union years, I got laid off alot. The look on my wife's face anytime I busted through the door earlier than 4 pm was terrible, the most awful thing anyone would want to see. She stuck beside me though, borrowed from Peter to pay Paul. We almost lost our house. We couldn't pay everyone, but one way or another we pulled through.

Then, after I got my master license, I took about $7k which is all we had saved up at the time and told my wife that I think this is the best thing we can do. It was scary, but she closed her eyes and held on tight. She didn't know I had my eyes closed at times, too. We made it through the first year (even though it was really 9 months since I started in April). With the winter came another storm in which we had to endure. But God saw us through it.

In no way are we the most successful business around nor do we have that "We've made it" feeling, but we are at a point in our lives where we can breathe easier. We don't have to worry about where our next tank of gas is going to come from or if the mortgage is going to be a couple of days late. We don't have to worry if we want to go out to eat that we need to check our account first. We don't have sit around and worry about this month's bills.

It feels great. But.....

My wife is falling a little behind. She still has the feelings as before. She (luckily for me) has never been the shopping kind. On the contrary, she has always been the one to get us through things when it seemed the tunnel was blocked. I'll give you an example. When we moved last year into our much nicer, bigger home, she didn't want to hire movers. She felt like the money could be used for so many other things instead of paying them. At the end of the day, it took 3 very big men 2 great big ol' trucks to move all of our sheet a few miles down the road. Afterwards, she came to me and said you know what, you were right. I'm glad you hired those guys. There is no way we could have gotten it done as fast as them.

Earlier today, I told her I wanted to hire a cleaning service. There is a lady who lives in our neighborhood who would love to clean our home. I didn't get the reaction I thought I would get. She told me that it made her feel like she wasn't doing enough even though we discussed this before we moved. My wife cannot grasp the concept that she can relax a little. I told her that I appreciate all she does. She keeps up with the books for my business. She get the 3 kids to all of their events (band and sports). Ofen, I tell her I'd rather go out and eat so she won't have to cook.

I tried to get her to go with me to a neighbor's house last night and sit down and relax. She wouldn't because she would just sit there and dwell upon all of things she needs to do.

How can I get my wife to sit back and relax a little and enjoy herself? Maybe, someone else has had to deal with the same process.
 

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schedule the relaxation time - a time and a date for you as a couple, no kids, every week. make it a routine. Dinner and a movie, Saturday at the beach, whatever. You are lucky that you have survived - I know several couples who tried to do the business together and ended up divorced.
 

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As I read your story I feel as Im falling in your shoes and im sure many others. Im 33 left a job making 60k a year to become my own boss. Taking a huge chance however, if we dont take chances we will never know what we can become. I would say, you wife sounds like a trooper. Maybe once she feels there is enough of a safety net she will relax. Its hard to say,ask her what it wil take.good luck with all and hope all works for you.
 

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I make all the electrons line up for their Flu shots
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If it ain't broke , don't fix it............ And trust me this applies to what you have going on there pal.
 
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When the stress of work is too much, maybe she needs a girls day out. Mani/pedis, massages, or wine tastings... Whatever will let her relax. My wife puts in crazy hours, lots of stress in the real estate biz. She goes out for girls nights every now and then. Just like I go hang with the boys when the electric biz gets to me. I will say my wife learned to relax a lot more when our kids got bigger.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
When the stress of work is too much, maybe she needs a girls day out. Mani/pedis, massages, or wine tastings... Whatever will let her relax. My wife puts in crazy hours, lots of stress in the real estate biz. She goes out for girls nights every now and then. Just like I go hang with the boys when the electric biz gets to me. I will say my wife learned to relax a lot more when our kids got bigger.

she does drink wine to wind down. i probably need to just take her out and get her drunk. the last time she got drunk was when we were dating (13 years ago). she usually likes to be the DD for everyone. i'm liking the ideas so far. i may have to rent a limo and take her out for an evening. i'll have to get her drunk for sure because if i don't she'll be worrying about how much it cost her.
 

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iam not an expert when it comes to marriage issues.am only 5yrs in marriage and I need to get advice from those who have been in it for a long time
BUT
Iam an electrician and I believe electricians can fix most things if not all things.

yes your wife is still clinging to the old lifestyle though you as a family are now in a new lifestyle. my theory:
she doesn't want to get too comfortable to lifestyle 2 because she not sure what tommorrow holds.
OR
she was in lifestyle 1 for a longtime that she needs time to adjust to lifestyle 2

honestly if it were me I would just leave her the way she is.you just don't know how many guys in this forum wish they had a wife with same character as your wife.

all the best

Sent from my HUAWEI Y210-0100 using Tapatalk 2
 

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Its been a long road for us since I first got started in the trade as an apprentice many moons ago (2000) until now. We have been through alot over the years, my wife and I. I started non-union and then went union to get the education and experience I needed for today. While their education and work ethic was great, I had to have more than they offered.

Through the union years, I got laid off alot. The look on my wife's face anytime I busted through the door earlier than 4 pm was terrible, the most awful thing anyone would want to see. She stuck beside me though, borrowed from Peter to pay Paul. We almost lost our house. We couldn't pay everyone, but one way or another we pulled through.

Then, after I got my master license, I took about $7k which is all we had saved up at the time and told my wife that I think this is the best thing we can do. It was scary, but she closed her eyes and held on tight. She didn't know I had my eyes closed at times, too. We made it through the first year (even though it was really 9 months since I started in April). With the winter came another storm in which we had to endure. But God saw us through it.

In no way are we the most successful business around nor do we have that "We've made it" feeling, but we are at a point in our lives where we can breathe easier. We don't have to worry about where our next tank of gas is going to come from or if the mortgage is going to be a couple of days late. We don't have to worry if we want to go out to eat that we need to check our account first. We don't have sit around and worry about this month's bills.

It feels great. But.....

My wife is falling a little behind. She still has the feelings as before. She (luckily for me) has never been the shopping kind. On the contrary, she has always been the one to get us through things when it seemed the tunnel was blocked. I'll give you an example. When we moved last year into our much nicer, bigger home, she didn't want to hire movers. She felt like the money could be used for so many other things instead of paying them. At the end of the day, it took 3 very big men 2 great big ol' trucks to move all of our sheet a few miles down the road. Afterwards, she came to me and said you know what, you were right. I'm glad you hired those guys. There is no way we could have gotten it done as fast as them.

Earlier today, I told her I wanted to hire a cleaning service. There is a lady who lives in our neighborhood who would love to clean our home. I didn't get the reaction I thought I would get. She told me that it made her feel like she wasn't doing enough even though we discussed this before we moved. My wife cannot grasp the concept that she can relax a little. I told her that I appreciate all she does. She keeps up with the books for my business. She get the 3 kids to all of their events (band and sports). Ofen, I tell her I'd rather go out and eat so she won't have to cook.

I tried to get her to go with me to a neighbor's house last night and sit down and relax. She wouldn't because she would just sit there and dwell upon all of things she needs to do.

How can I get my wife to sit back and relax a little and enjoy herself? Maybe, someone else has had to deal with the same process.
Do not fix what is not broken, your wife see's what you're not seeing and most likely does not want to live the type of lifestyle that requires having a maid, my wife would have no part of that and when I tried it, I got exiled to the basement because she took it as an insult.

Do not push stuff like this because you will just piss her off.
 

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You sound pretty lucky to have a wife that's willing to put in the time and work required if a family these days.
Most women I know tend to, not want to give anything up and want everything their friends have or are doing.
She is a keeper buddy, keep a keen eye out for the little things that will make her feel appreciated.
If she is happy with your lives, don't mess around with it.
We as men have no real idea what makes a woman tick. Tricky thing those ladies.
Sounds like you are in a great place she will come around, just give her time.
Struggle builds great character in people as everyone on here can contest to.
It's never easy excepting .... Success, after a struggle for women .
We as men just say" THERE" fixed it.
Where women think about " WHAT DID I MISS?"
Good luck man, she,ll come around !!
 

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Estwing magic
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If she is the type who likes to keep on top of things and get things done, that's great. You won't change her. She wants to feel like she is contributing to the operation of the household and the business.

However...

If she is SACRIFICING herself for the sake of the family and the business, that is something entirely different. This is something you need to watch. If she doesn't take care of herself, if her health is declining and if she doesn't invest in her own interests, then there might be problems.

Buying her things won't make her relax, it will only make her more agitated. I have a friend (female) with money in the bank and a very comfortable income. She still buys clothes at the second hand store. As a matter of fact, she got me into shopping at the second hand stores. I buy my work jeans for five bucks and am the only guy who wears designer merino wool to the jobsite after some rich lawyer paid $100 for it and wore it once. If your wife is frugal then play along with it. A trip to the second hand store on a Saturday afternoon can actually be a fun little activity.
 

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felonious smile.
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Im glad I read the ops thredline, the title suggested something they didn't allow in the St Patrick's day parade.
 

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Who you gonna call?
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Your wife is like mine. She knows good times don't last forever. Why waste money on a maid when (if) you break a leg and can't work what then? You'll be glad you invested 5 bucks in bleach to clean your house instead of thousands in a maid service. Taking time to relax is one thing blowing money is another.
 

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carryyourbooks said:
Its been a long road for us since I first got started in the trade as an apprentice many moons ago (2000) until now. We have been through alot over the years, my wife and I. I started non-union and then went union to get the education and experience I needed for today. While their education and work ethic was great, I had to have more than they offered. Through the union years, I got laid off alot. The look on my wife's face anytime I busted through the door earlier than 4 pm was terrible, the most awful thing anyone would want to see. She stuck beside me though, borrowed from Peter to pay Paul. We almost lost our house. We couldn't pay everyone, but one way or another we pulled through. Then, after I got my master license, I took about $7k which is all we had saved up at the time and told my wife that I think this is the best thing we can do. It was scary, but she closed her eyes and held on tight. She didn't know I had my eyes closed at times, too. We made it through the first year (even though it was really 9 months since I started in April). With the winter came another storm in which we had to endure. But God saw us through it. In no way are we the most successful business around nor do we have that "We've made it" feeling, but we are at a point in our lives where we can breathe easier. We don't have to worry about where our next tank of gas is going to come from or if the mortgage is going to be a couple of days late. We don't have to worry if we want to go out to eat that we need to check our account first. We don't have sit around and worry about this month's bills. It feels great. But..... My wife is falling a little behind. She still has the feelings as before. She (luckily for me) has never been the shopping kind. On the contrary, she has always been the one to get us through things when it seemed the tunnel was blocked. I'll give you an example. When we moved last year into our much nicer, bigger home, she didn't want to hire movers. She felt like the money could be used for so many other things instead of paying them. At the end of the day, it took 3 very big men 2 great big ol' trucks to move all of our sheet a few miles down the road. Afterwards, she came to me and said you know what, you were right. I'm glad you hired those guys. There is no way we could have gotten it done as fast as them. Earlier today, I told her I wanted to hire a cleaning service. There is a lady who lives in our neighborhood who would love to clean our home. I didn't get the reaction I thought I would get. She told me that it made her feel like she wasn't doing enough even though we discussed this before we moved. My wife cannot grasp the concept that she can relax a little. I told her that I appreciate all she does. She keeps up with the books for my business. She get the 3 kids to all of their events (band and sports). Ofen, I tell her I'd rather go out and eat so she won't have to cook. I tried to get her to go with me to a neighbor's house last night and sit down and relax. She wouldn't because she would just sit there and dwell upon all of things she needs to do. How can I get my wife to sit back and relax a little and enjoy herself? Maybe, someone else has had to deal with the same process.
I'm in the process of starting my own " legal " business ( no more trunk slammer days and friend and family discounts for this guy ! ) , but thankfully my wife has a damn good job with the state making just under 6 figures . The upside is , there's not much to lose , the downside is , I go back to working for morons who know less than me an I bite my tongue a lot , lol ! Jobs lined up and cash coming in keep my wife at ease ( and an occasional drink , she's the DD too ) . As long as you don't live beyond your means , the work is still coming in and you've got a little put away for the occasional slow times , she has no reason to not relax ! I wish you continued success !
 
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